Archive for February 20, 2012

The Triathlon Rx | February 20, 2012
12 comments

Medical Monday: Get Swole.

This might be a stretch to pull off as a Medical Monday, but laughter is the world’s best medicine, right? A friend shared it with me last week, so now I’m sharing it with you! Proprietary rights to Rock Rannick over at Muscle & Brawn. (Original post)

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Four Ways To Get Freaking Huge

Time To Get Swole

Man, do I have some magical, mystical, mass building advice for you today. But I know – you’re extremely skeptical. You’re waiting for the bullcrap; to be let down by some cool sounding training system with overly complicated mumbo jumbo, and exercises that suck.

Sorry, no fail for you today.

I don’t hand out fail. I’m not pushing an agenda. You want to get big fast, then do the following.

1 – Stay with a Simple Routine

Listen, you have been searching for the ultimate routine for years. In fact, you spend more time reading about routines then performing routines. And each week you switch routines. I’ve found it, this week I’m making the change to blah, blah, blah and will grow!

Fail!

Enough with this foolishness. I’m about to carpet bomb your fantasies, so you have been warned. Brace yourself. Here goes…it doesn’t matter what routine you use. Yes, you heard me right. Doggcrapp, Max Stim, Dogg Stim, Max Crapp…whatever. Just pick something and stick with it. And make sure the routine isn’t complicated. You don’t need complicated.

A simple routine focuses on progression of weight using basic heavy compound lifts including:

  • Squats
  • Deadlifts
  • Bench Press
  • A form of the Overhead Press

E. T. C.

If you find that your routine has you doing giant sets, drop sets, or focusing on the dreaded mind-muscle connection, run like the wind. And worse yet, if it contains too many isolation movements…well…FAIL. You don’t need training techniques or isolation movements, you need to:

2 – Lift Heavy Ass Weights

Lift heavy ass weight. Heavy ass weight makes muscles grow. Heavy ass weight can be in any rep range, because it is heavy ass weight and is kicking your balls seven ways to Sunday.

What rep range should I use? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

What should my rep speed be? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

Should I do cable crossovers before or after flyes, and should incline bench be performed with a 22 degree angle, or a 24 degree angle? FAIL! It doesn’t matter – Lift heavy ass weights!

What split is the most effective for mass? FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

GO LIFT HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS!

But I don’t want to lift heavy! So and so says that squats are bad for your knees, and my mom is afraid and wants me to take up knitting.

Both so and so, and your mom (no offense to moms) can barely lift a roll of toilet paper to wipe their own asses. If you want to look like your mom, listen to the training advice of your mom. If you want to pack on muscle, lift heavy ass weight!

The end!

3 – Stop Bitching and Get Your Ass to the Gym!

I’m tired.

My toe hurts.

My right nut seems small today, maybe I shouldn’t train.

Want to know how to fail? I mean epic fail? Continue to make excuses, and avoid going to the gym. Want to know how to succeed? Gird up your balls, shut the hell up, and get your ass to the gym, 52 weeks a year. The end.

This isn’t complicated.

Of course your left nut hurts! You’re lifting weights. Lifting heavy ass weights will hurt from time to time. Pain is part of the equation. We aren’t collecting bottle caps here, Charles.

4 – Forget Your Damned Abs and Eat!

I want a six pack!

Bud, if you think you can pack on muscle and carve out a six pack in the same month, you need to lay off the crack pipe.

This just in…if you want muscle, you need to eat big. If you want to be a 220 mass monster, but only weigh 120, you need to start eating like you weigh 220 pounds.

How long should I bulk before I cut? FAIL! Eat until people at the gym start asking you where you get your steroids from. Then, and only then can you start cutting.

Should my bulk be dirty or clean? FAIL! Grab a shovel and get to gettin’.

Whole milk has fat! Almonds have fat! I can’t eat fat! FAIL! Listen, drinking whole milk and lifting heavy ass weights equals muscle mass.

Final Thoughts

  1. Lift heavy ass weight using heavy ass compound lifts.
  2. Eat big.
  3. Never miss a workout.
  4. Stick with a basic routine.

Follow these 4 rules for two years and you will dramatically change your body. The end.

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Pham Woodbridge

I’m feeling about the farthest from “swole” as you could possibly get right now. Apparently surgery + crutches + 9ish weeks off turns skeletal muscle into mushed peas. Who knew?

[OK that was a gross analogy. I'm never going to want pea soup again.]

I suppose I should post a PT update and such soon, but long story short I’m still on one crutch, still gimping, and damn this thing is taking its sweet time! X-rays last week (images to come once I can convince the disc to open on a Mac) showed that the bone healing is “on track” according to my doctor, and I suppose I should take his word over my own impatient timeline.

Reader Qs:

I know the majority of you guys are triathletes/runners, but how many of you push the weights? What is your favorite strength exercise? There were many years when I was too preoccupied with mileage to make time for strength, but after working with a variety of coaches, I’ve developed a little crush. ;)

-E

Category: Medical Monday | Tags: ,
The Triathlon Rx | February 14, 2012
12 comments

Tried It Tuesday: Finis SwiMP3.2G

First things first: I need to send out an apology here – I am extremely behind with anything and everything blog related!! Writing, reading, responding to comments, the whole deal. Thankfully it’s because life is good and busy, but I still feel a little guilty for the sudden disappearance! The new job is in full swing, PT is going well and new x-rays are due next week, I was accepted into and have committed to the next leg of my academic journey, and I’ve even gone on a few dates!! (Some good, some eh, but thank goodness no more marriedandkids guys….)

But THAT is personal life. THIS [blog] is what I’m willing to share on the internet life. Therefore I’m going to move on… to my brand new baby:

Finis SwiMP3.2G

 

For Christmas in 2009 I was given the NuDolphin mp3 player to help dull the pain encourage more frequent swimming.  Two years later it finally bit the bullet. Now at first thought, two years might not seem like a long time for the life of an mp3 player. But lets face it: electronics + submersion in water = just not meant to be. I was happy with the two years I got out of the NuDolphin. One thing I wasn’t ever completely happy with was the headphones. The seal between the ear canal and the headphones would stay in tact for 5 minutes max before water would get in my ears and POOF! the music was gone. This problem is what initially lead me to the Finis SwiMP3 player…

Instead of in-ear headphones, Finis uses “bone conduction audio transmission” to send the music from your mp3 player (affixed to your goggles straps), through your temporal bones, and into your ears. (Into your brain? I don’t really know… it kind of blows my mind.) The user manual says this 2G mp3 player can hold about 500 songs (which is more than I’ll ever need) and lasts for up to 8 hours of play on a full charge. The USB plug is built directly into the player so you don’t have to worry about losing any cords, and trasnferring songs is as simple as a drag and drop on your desktop. The SwiMP3 is compatible with both Macs and PCs, and supports MP3 and WMA files.

The most frequent complaints from customer reviews were a) that it’s “expensive”, b) the sound is “thin”, and c) the device will “wear out.”

My counters to all three of the aforementioned points are that a) Expensive is a relative term. I payed $145 + tax for my Finis SwiMP3 at Pure Blue swim shop in Plymoth, MN. For 500 stored songs, an infinitely more enjoyable swimming experience, and a notable increase in swimming frequency when I swim with music, $145 seems quite a reasonable price to pay. b) The sound is much clearer when using silicone ear plugs. These do not come with the device, but cost under 5 bucks. ($4.95 for a pack of 6 from SwimOutlet.) c) True dat… it might “wear out.” See above: electronics + water = not meant to be. HOWEVER, I have read fantastic thing about the customer service from Finis, and I trust that if they’re as good as the reviews say, I’ll have no problems.

I have been in the pool much more frequently now that my activities are limited to swim / bike/ halfass upper body lift. I’m starting to SLOWLY build on an elliptical (we’re talking a whopping 5 – 10 minutes… but pimpin here), but honestly swimming is the only thing that doesn’t cause any ‘hurt’. And as my scientific research has demonstrated, my total swim volume is directly correlated to the amount of available entertainment. Variety in the workout = more swimming. Hot lane buddy = more swimming. And of course, good tunes = more swimming. P < 0.05… or something. ;)

Reader Qs:

Are you a swimmer? Triathletes: mandatory, doggy paddle at a minimum. Runners: beneficial, great cross training! Are you tech’ed out, or do you keep it pure? There are a few other items I’ve been interested in… the tempo trainer, the Speedo fingerwatch lap counter, etc. Do you have any thoughts on/experiences with these?

You can find all other reviews under the PRODUCT REVIEWS tab at the top of the page, or by following this link. Be happy, be healthy, and press on!

-E

*My SwiMP3 was a personal purchase, and this review was not funded, encouraged, or persuaded by Finis in any way, shape, or form.

Category: Tried It Tuesday | Tags: , ,
The Triathlon Rx | February 12, 2012
One comment

Never Have I Ever…

Just wanted to throw out a quick sign of life here… I had two things that were intended to be auto-posted last week, but apparently I can’t read the difference between “schedule” and “save draft.” Ooops!!

None the less, stay tuned for a product review this coming TUESDAY (yes – it is written, saved, and scheduled)! A couple clues:

  • The company name sounds like it should be based somewhere in a country on the Baltic Sea, but in reality they’re from Cali.
  • The company name actually means ‘the end’ or ‘grand finale’ in Latin.
  • Their products have been featured in Men’s Journal, Triathlete, Lava, TriBomb, NY Times, and City Living, just to name a few.

I have a feeling a bunch of people are going to get it with the first two clues… the last one was an attempt to throw you off. :)

And while we’re waiting for Tuesday, I wanted to share this infographic with you guys. A more PG version of the game “Never Have I Ever” so affectionately played with ten fingers and… yep. You should be able to open it in a new window for full size!

A couple of things surprised me, but I’m thinking this has more to do with the population sampled than the average american public.

Reader Qs: Did anything stand out to you? Did you ever play Never Have I Ever? ;)

-E

Category: Uncategorized |
The Triathlon Rx | February 2, 2012
4 comments

Thoughts on a Thursday… Tag, you’re it!

You know it’s the off season when…

  • You buy three seasons each of 30 Rock and House for trainer ride entertainment.
  • The pool doesn’t seem as chilly as it used to, due to an extra subcutaneous layer of “insulation.”
  • Another blogger “tags” you to answer random questions about yourself… and actually take the time to fill it out. Kind of like those long email forwards (apparently called “memes”?) you got in junior high. (That is if the internet was invented yet when you were in junior high :P )

My buddy Jamie tagged me, along with 10 other stud athletes, to play the game.  I think I’m supposed to include the “rules” to this little… and you’re supposed to copy/paste them too if you get tagged. Here we go!

1. Post these rules
2. Post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
6. No saying “you are tagged if you are reading this.” You legitimately have to tag 11 people!

11 Random Facts About Me

This is like doing ice breakers at a team meeting. “What is something no one would know about you unless you told them…”

1. I have three tattoos. One of which I share with my dad. The second I share with my sister, mom, and dad and the man upstairs. And running. (Though I’m the only one with it inked). The last one is strictly between myself and el señor.

2. When I was 16 I dropped $1000 on a dog, that I didn’t have permission to bring home. My mom fell in love in 2 hours. I learned a good lesson. [(That you can win your mother over with anything cocoa colored and adorable.) Kidding!!]

3. I subscribe to five magazines: Runner’s World, Martha Stewart Living, Real Simple, Sports Illustrated, and Car & Driver.

4. My favorite color is orange. Someday I will have this bike:

(Someday I will also be missing a kidney…)

5. One of my favorite snacks is beef jerky. Bonus points if it’s bison.

6. I was a vegetarian, pretty darn close to vegan, for 8 years.

7. Although I was always in sports – cross country, track, swimming, gymnastics, softball, soccer, t-ball, and tennis – I also danced for over 10 years. (I don’t mean that to be offensive by not calling it a “sport” … I just put it more in the arts category.) I went on pointe when I was 9 years old.

8. I wear a size 2-3 kids shoe. See last statement of item 7.

9. My favorite day of the year is Easter!!

10. As someone pointed out to me today (and not the first time I’ve heard it)… I suck at slowing down. Slowing down my mind, slowing down decision making, slowing down my life/lifestyle. If only that held true with my S/B/R paces!!

11. If it weren’t for my iCal… I probably wouldn’t make it to the end of the day. Wish I was kidding!!

Jamie’s 11 questions… my answers:

1. What is your proudest accomplishment? I haven’t accomplished it yet…

2. What is your biggest regret? Moving to Boston, giving up my full ride scholarship that I couldn’t get back when I transferred home. Money stresses me the heck out.

3. What was your biggest fear as a child? Driving next to semi trucks and driving over bridges.

4. What is your biggest fear as an adult? Getting divorced

5. Your most embarrassing triathlon story, using exactly 11 words. Prevent nipping in professional race photos, especially if published in print.

6. What  is the one piece of advice you’d give the 10 year old version of yourself. Ooofda… that one cuts a little deep! There are a lot of things I would have tried to tell that younger-me, though I probably would have been  too stubborn to listen. The advice I would give is: you have all your life ahead of you to be a grown up, so don’t try and be one now. It’s not as fun as it looks.

7. What is the best meal that you’ve ever made yourself? Chicken enchiladas in the slow cooker! House smelled sooo good…

8. In or out? My belly button? Do I like going in or staying out? In to the first… both, depending on the mood, to the second.

9. What is your dream car? My “realistic” dream car is a Ford F150, king cab, short bed, bench seats, MAROON. My extremely non-realistic, non-attainable dream car is an Audi R8. Phantom black exterior, Nappa leather black with Luxor beige contrast interior, Bang & Olufsen sound system, and MMI navigation. Base MSRP $114,200, price as built $126,650. (I wasn’t kidding about Car & Driver.)

10. What is the fastest you’ve ever gone on a bike? Fastest pedaling speed? Or fastest down a hill? ;) I’m happy if I hold 20 riding in the city, but I’ve seen

11. What is your least favorite part of triathlon training/racing? Honestly, I don’t have a “least favorite” part. Enough ‘milk has been spilled’ crying over missing running and the thought of not being able to run in the future that I will take what I can get and be happy about it. [Damn it!] If there needs to be a least favorite… it’s the five seconds leading up to and following jumping into the pool. ;)

My 11 questions… and answers.

1. Where were you at in your life ten years ago? Where do you see yourself hope to be ten years from today?

2. If you could meet any one person in the world, who would it be? (Dead or alive.)

3. If you had to describe your life with a movie title, what would it be?

4. If you could be a professional in any sport for a week other than the one you already do, what sport would it be?

5. What does the title of your blog mean / where did it come from?

6. Your first kiss, in 5 words.

7. If you could go back in time and study anything different in school, or go down any other career path than the one you chose, what would it be?

8. What would choose for your last meal?

9. If you could stay one age for the rest of your life, a la Tuck Everlasting, how old would you be?

10. What is the race at the top of your bucket list?

11. Describe your ideal day:

Apparently Jamie and I have a bunch of the same amigos… cause he tagged a lot of the same people I would have! So I will tag 11 new people… You’re it!

2. Jennifer & Jason – Going Long… Together
3. Steve – Steve In A Speedo
4. Jon – SwiCycloRun
5. Holly – The Cooper Fam
6. Derek – To Be Determined
7. Betsy – Earning My M-Dot
8. Jon Vick – Jon Vick
9. Amy – Amy’s Running Around
10. Julia – Go Big Green
11. Adam – The Boring Runner

Annnnd that brings this getting-to-know-you meeting to a close. Happy Thursday! [Edit: yes... it was Thursday when I started this!]

-E

Category: Thoughts on a Thursday |